Garderobe Confidential
by Artemis Tano
Summary: *title warning-again* Oh yes, you're reading this right. It's a crossover. And let me sum it up with this-secret agents. And yuri. Lots of it. There is an actual plot, which is decent. There will be romance, some drama, some mystery. Rated M for language and "adult scenes." Pairs- ShizNat, HaruKino, ChieAoi, NicoMaki, EriUmi, MidoriYouko, Nao and Nozomi are singles. Enjoy!
**C'mon. You know I had to. Mai HiME AND Love Live? Oh, be still my (gay) heart! Just...so much yuri...I can't help it. Now you're stuck with this AU mess that I wanted to try! Any characters not listed are just not in this story. Sorry Mai, Kotori, Mikoto, Rin, Hanayo, Honoka, and all others. This is a secret agent AU. Repeat-secret. Agents. As in kinda/almost spies. As in the Garderobe department of the FBI, yes this takes place in the US, which specializes in unusual murders of federal agents/officers/high-up government ppl. Ha. Warnings- yuri(girlxgirl), yuri smex, some cussing, rated M for a good reason, a little alcohol, maybe a little kink, teasing(cause we got Shizuru, Nozomi, Eri, and Chie in one story...come on guys), and...yep, that's it. Enjoy.**

 **Ages-Midori and Youko are 29, Shizuru is 27, Natsuki** **, Chie, Aoi, Eri/Eli, Nozomi, Nico, and Yukino are 26, Nao, Umi, and Haruka are 25, and Maki is 24.**

 **Oh yeah...and the title was partly inspired by laragh, the author of a multitude of TaraxWillow stuff. They rule. Go look there. Now.**

* * *

"Chie-chan? Chie-chan, I know you're awake~..."

"Mm, Aoi? What is it?"

"Well, someone named Nao says she wants to talk to you...she's got a rather foul mouth..."

Chie's eyes shot wide open and she fumbled for her glasses. "Nao's here?" Aoi shook her head quickly, resting a hand on Chie's shoulder and gesturing to the phone. Chie sighed in relief and gave Aoi a quick kiss, pulling on a pair of shorts. "One minute," she mouthed, winking as she slipped into the living room.

"Nao! What's up?"

"So you do have a girl buried somewhere in this city...why haven't we met her?"

"Cause I don't want to frighten her, Nao. Duh. And what about your love life?"

"Get your ass down here, Harada, we don't have all day. Midori wants your ass for our next op, it got pushed up."

"To when?"

"Tomorrow!"

"What?! Are you serious?"

"No, I'm joking. Of course I'm f-ing serious, Harada! Get your excuse for a brain down here before I ram the mutt's bike up your-"

Chie shut her phone, reaching a hand up to mess with her hair. She sighed, tossing her phone onto the counter as she entered the bedroom. "Miss me?" She asked, cocking her head at Aoi's reflection. Aoi barely looked up from buttoning her blouse, a neutral expression set across her face. "Not much." Chie clutched at her heart, mock pain set across her face. "Oh, the pain...I knew you were just using me for my body," Chie lamented, falling dramatically onto the bed and grinning as Aoi broke into laughter.

"God, you are a terrible actor." Aoi straddled her waist suddenly, placing her hands by Chie's head. "I'm guessing that was a work call? Some more "super secret agent" stuff?" Aoi said this while crouching down, getting closer to Chie's face with every "s" word. "You bet. Gotta go save the world and all the stuck-up politicians. Maybe I can give you a country or two in the process." Aoi smiled as Chie's arms wrapped around her waist as she sat up. "I really do have to go, y'know..."

Aoi just tilted her head as Chie gave her a knowing look. "And you're going to make it hard to do if you're sitting on me...geez, I know I'm irresistible, but woman, I gotta go to work!" Aoi just rolled her eyes and locked Chie in a kiss, slowly sliding off of her lap. "Fine. I guess I'm just a second priority," Aoi said with mock hurt, throwing open the bathroom door dramatically. "If you still feel like that when I get back, I'll make it up to you," Chie said with a suggestive wink. Aoi rolled her eyes and shut the door, starting her shower. Chie grabbed her jacket and whistled cheerfully, swinging her keys on one finger as she searched for her shoes.

* * *

Across town, however, Natsuki did not manage to evade her woman's clutches.

She slumped against the sink, panting at Shizuru kissed the back of her neck, grinning. "Ara, is my Tsuki tired from her run? I did not mean to be rough with her..." Natsuki let out a laugh, looking at Shizuru in the mirror. "Yeah right, Zuru. Geez, and you barely have a mark on you..." "Barely?" Shizuru said, tugging her collar to the side to reveal a line of purple on her collarbone. Natsuki grinned, turning around and drawing her wife in for a kiss. Diverting naughty hands, she spun Shizuru around and nudged her out the bathroom. "Go on. We have to be at HQ in 45 minutes," Natsuki reminded her as she shut the door.

Natsuki chuckled as she heard Shizuru whine on the other side. "Go check that the others are awake, alright?" She slipped into the shower and began to wash her hair, oblivious to the creaking of the door. A pair of arms slid around her waist, and Natsuki nearly jumped out of her skin. "Natsuki didn't lock the do~or~," Shizuru sang, smirking. "Ikezu*. You were teasing me, Tsuki. And Nao-han has wake-up duty today, so we are fine for a few minutes~..."

"Shizu-"

* * *

Yet another similar situation was occurring just a flight up and a few doors down.

Umi was pinned down on her stomach, shivering as Eri crawled back on top of her. "And with that, I say good morning." Umi sighed, trying to control her breathing. "Mou, I'm sorry, okay? I'll wake you next time..." Eri grinned as Umi rolled over, instantly catching her mouth in a heavy kiss. Umi grabbed the blonde's shoulders and pushed her up, breaking the kiss. "Eri, we have to get ready now-well, you do, I was already dressed before..." Umi pouted as Eri pulled her up into a sitting position, smiling.

"And you hated it soooo much, didn't you? A little morning round is okay every once in a while!" Umi just blushed and slid off the bed, picking her running shirt up off the floor. "Midori is going to give us this briefing sooner rather than later."

"Wait, before Nico and Maki get back? Don't we need them?"

"Well, I think she decided to change the mission a bit. Probably due to new info. Regardless of that, you need to get dressed and be downstairs in 10. If you're going to shower, be quick about it. I'll be making toast."

Umi opened the door to their room, shocked to see Nao leaning against the doorframe. "Oh, she let you out of bed? What a surprise." Umi turned bright pink as Nao smirked, straightening up. "Midori wants us to pick up Haruka and Yukino on our way over, so if you're gonna go for another round, do it quickly." Umi's jaw dropped as Nao stalked away calmly, her face going from pink to crimson. Eri was trying very hard not to laugh as Umi remained frozen in the doorway, hand on the doorknob.

* * *

Nozomi stretched her arms up, watching the parking lot camera lazily. She spun around in her chair, humming aimlessly. A cup of coffee caught her attention, and she jumped up to embrace her savior. "Oh Youko-sensei, what would I do without you?" Nozomi said, gulping down the coffee. "My guess? Fall asleep at your desk again," Midori said from behind her wife. Nozomi pouted, and Youko just raised an eyebrow at the redhead. "Honey, how many times have I caught you asleep in your office?" Midori stiffened, then sighed. "But Youko...you're the reason I'm always tired..." Midori grinned lecherously, earning a blush from her partner.

"Shut up, you," Youko tried to keep a straight face as she heard the two giggling behind her as she unlocked the office door. "If you wanted, you could always sleep on the couch." Nozomi howled in laughter as Midori panicked, grabbing her wife's arm and giving her puppy-dog eyes. Grinning, Nozomi turned back to the monitors, seeing a single parked van in the previously-empty lot. "The others are here, boss!" She called through the door.

Midori yelled back and Nozomi slipped around her desk, swinging her keys in one hand and sipping coffee with the other. She opened up the back door, checking the locks before heading to the front. _Another eventful day, I hope_ , Nozomi thought wryly.

* * *

"This meeting is now called to order!" Midori placed her hands on her hips, ginning as she surveyed the table. Eri, Umi, Natsuki, Shizuru, Nao, Chie, and Haruka were all sitting down, most in some form of daydream. "This is about the Kanzaki mission that was supposed to be held next week. As you know, it's been moved up to the day _after_ tomorrow, not tomorrow, so no need for immediate panic. Because Nico and Maki are out now, we had to readjust the plan, which should be no big deal because I'm betting none of you even glanced at the briefing file." She shot them a glare as everyone but Haruka and Nao turned away sheepishly.

"Well duh," Nao said, sighing and filing her nails. "A whole week of study? Yeah right."

Haruka just shrugged.

Midori's eye twitched as she pulled out a stack of files and dropped them into the table. "Look, just start on these today and tomorrow well go over everything in detail. Most of you will not have covers that interact, but if you do, remember to think before you speak. Everyone good?" Nods all around, but Nao raised an arm with a bored expression. "Midori, what are we trying to pin this guy for?" Midori glanced over at Youko, then sighed.

"It's a long list. Well, he's been a suspect in three FBI cases in the last ten years, a POI in the CIA's raid of the 2-L terrorist base, and he was leaving the same state where the Niro bombing was right before it happened. That enough warrants investigation, but this guy has a bunch of prime lawyers on a leash that managed to get him an indirect alibi every time. It's what happened last year with the UN bombing that gave us the green light from the higher-ups. This guy was less than 50 miles away from it, and had no legitimate reason to the there. We _have_ to find out if he's behind this."

The room was dead silent. Shizuru and Eri were deep in thought as Nao, Natsuki, and Umi just gaped. Haruka was the first to speak, crying out, "This bastard! We'll get him for sure!"

"It's not that simple, Haruka." Eri said, sitting back in her chair.

"Eri's right," Shizuru said, bring her hand to her chin. "If they could bust him easily, they would. They probably don't have enough evidence for it. That's where we come in."

Midori nodded. "Besides the target, it's a standard mission. Get in, settle a bit, and then we dig. Heaven forbid, we shift. Eri, I've had to change your job to mostly surveillance. That means cameras and comms, you will not engage directly. Got it?" Eri nodded, pouting slightly. "Umi, Shizuru, and Chie are primary contact. Natsuki and Nao, you get secondary. Haruka, as always, we'll keep you hovering for extraction and, if need be, to shift. Everyone clear?"

More nods.

"Good. Go home. Read the files. Memorize at least part of your cover by tomorrow. Sayonara!" Midori slid out of the room, leaving the room full of agents in deep contemplation. Nao was the first to move, simply rolling her eyes, grabbing her file, and stalking out. "Aw, Umi finally gets a first contact mission!" Said bluenette blushed as Eri crushed her with a hug. "It'll be good experience," Shizuru said.

Chie threw an arm over Shizuru's shoulder, grinning. "Looks like us lucky ladies get to ruffle this guy up! Think you can handle it, Umi~?"

"Of course she can!" Eri was giving Chie a cold look, not sensing the tease in her voice.

"Eri...I think Chie is joking...and besides, Midori-sensei doesn't choose randomly..." Eri blushed slightly. "I-I know that...geez, Umi, I'm not an idiot..."

"Anyways! How about we all gather at the house tonight to have dinner and read over the mission?" Shizuru suggested, clapping her hands together and tilting her head.

"You're going to have to count me out of that," Chie said, rising. "Got places to be, person to do, but..." She leaned down and slung her arms over Umi and Shizuru's shoulders. "Tomorrow night I say us first-cons have a drink together. What do ya think?" Chie grinned, ignoring the glare she was getting from a certain bluenette.

"Ara, but Chie-chan, we're not supposed to know each other on this assignment, yes? So what if someone were to see us together while we have drinks?"

"I meant at the house, not in public. Geez, give me some credit, Shizuru. And Umi, you're coming whether you want to or not."

"Eh? What? Why would I-"

Chie leaned over and whispered something in Umi's ear, grinning as the girl broke out into a deep blush.

"Th-th-that was one t-t-t-time! Eri!" Umi turned to the blonde, panic and accusation in her tone. "How could you tell her that?" Eri blinked in confusion as Umi buried her face in her hands, ears turning red. On the other side of the table, Haruka, who had gotten bored by this point, sifted though the files and grabbed hers, walking out.

"Well, if you're going to do that, I suppose I must be there to defend our little Umi-chan?" Shizuru drawled, setting one hand down on Natsuki's knee to stop her from growling.

"Yep! We need to get into character, and having the others around will throw off our concentration. So, what do you say?"

Shizuru sighed in mock exasperation, then smirked suddenly. "Alright, but only if you tell me what made Umi-chan turn such an adorable color."

"N-no! Chie don't you dare!" Umi was bright crimson at this point as she grabbed Chie's shoulder, pleading with her. Chie frowned, putting her chin in one hand.

"What to do...how about this, you both come and then after practice, Shizuru gets to guess. 20-questions styles, too. Is that okay?" Shizuru nodded and Umi whined, annoyed. She turned to Eri and hit her shoulder, muttering in irritation.

"Wonderful! I shall see you both tomorrow, but for now, I bid you adieu!" Chie bowed and strode out the room, snagging her folder. Natsuki leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms as Shizuru turned back to her.

"Explain."

"What? Oh Natsuki, you know why I wanted to know what Chie said...if it works on one bluenette, it might work on mine..." Shizuru slid her hand up Natsuki's arm, grinning. Unfazed, Natsuki took Shizuru's hand and stood, taking their files with her free hand.

"You, woman, will be punished. I am not..."

The rest of the sentence was lost as the door shut behind them, leaving just Eri and Umi. Eri sighed, hand patting Umi's hair gently.

"Umi, what did Chie say? And why is it my fault?" Eri said softly, nudging Umi's head up to face her. Umi looked up at her, sniffling.

"You t-t-told her...a-about the b-bet...a-and...N-n...zomi..." Eri's face flushed.

"N-no I didn't! I wouldn't! You nearly killed me afterwards!" Umi glowered at Eri, wiping her nose.

"...I don't believe you," she said, standing and brushing herself off. "You guys always want to tease me." Umi muttered, grabbing the last two files and speeding out the door. Eri groaned and chased after her. I _t is going to take forever to make her forgive me..._

* * *

 *** Ikezu is like a playful saying of meanie in Japanese. It can be pouty at times too.**

 **Ta-da!**

 **...awkwardly realizes no one is reading this.**

 **Oh. Well. Whatever. So, please comment, follow, whatever, just give me some feedback and tell me if you want more. Don't yell about about a pairing or leaving out your favorite character, please. If there are grammar errors, sorry, but I do not own one of these...beta things everyone is talking about(wink wink), so...It's just me over here and I get very tired and lonely and my vision is 很不好(that means very bad for those of you English ppls). Anyways~! I hope to be continuing this and some other things, don't count on it being soon tho cause I'm lazy. Bye!**


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